Hi there. I wish I was better at updating this. I have a serious fear that I am going to totally forget to give this to you on our anniversary and this will all be in vain! But alas. I will try to remember.
Things have been things. I am grumpy a lot lately because of this diet I am on. I feel like I am not making any progress, but I am trying my hardest and I seriously miss eating good food. You are being the most supportive you can be and I really appreciate that.
I feel like aspects of my life are spiraling out of control, but really I am just growing up. I'm not sure which is worse. I can't believe I am graduating in 2 1/2 months. I don't think I am ready for this. It's so scary to think about being done with school and having to be a responsible adult. I worry I won't find a good enough job. I worry that I will fail at grad school. There are days where I really want to go to grad school because I like school and I want to have a good career, but at the same time I know it's going to be really challenging and I just don't know if I can handle that. It scares me to think that I may fail at something so huge. It scares me to think that I will rack up thousands of dollars of debt for us and I may never make enough money to pay it back. What if it means we have to put off having kids longer? I don't think either one of us wants that. I know how badly you want children. And I know how badly I want it too. I'm still trying to talk you into the name Harriet. One day you will love it as much as I do and we will have a little baby Harriet running around.
There are a lot of good things too. Not just bad. So here are some of those: The cats rule. I mean, Ernie is a pain in the butt, but Gussy and Dori are just the sweetest angels we could ever ask for. We branched out and got new sex toys including a wicked cool glass dildo with rainbow bumps all over it and a heart shaped handle. It's totally bad ass. We got a lot of new decorations for our apartment. For awhile, I truly hated living here. But I think I've finally adjusted to being independent and this apartment feels like a home finally. It's taken a long time, but this is home now and I am okay with that.
We've been doing really well lately. We haven't been fighting much. I've been seeing a psychologist regularly and she's helping me work on my stuff which is helping our stuff resolve itself, I think. We have been clicking really well and it's been nice. We are pretty much done wedding planning as far as the big stuff is concerned. And Paige is having a baby in April which is something that's really cool and special for us. I got her her first baby present tonight. Little panda shoes. I don't care if that baby is a boy or a girl- it's wearing panda shoes! I almost got a second pair for us to keep because of how much you like pandas, but I figure when we have kids there will be plenty of other panda stuff around for us to buy!
I want to attach a picture to this post because it'll be fun to see a picture from several months ago, I think.
Here we are dressed to impress before going to Bonefish Grill this previous weekend because we were bored out of our minds!
I love you forever,
D
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